The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach click here for more info who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North Read Full Article adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot visit site control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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