The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex you can try this out isn't really going to ready?".

However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than click this link a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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